Nurture Yourself with Kindness when You Are Grieving

When you are grieving be compassionate with yourself, just like you would be with a friend facing grief and loss.

Grief has a way of pulling you into its shadowy depths, where it can hook you with feelings of guilt, anger, or numbness. Without kindness toward yourself, those feelings can hit very hard.

But here’s the thing: within you, there’s a peaceful power that can carry you through grief, easing your distress and the ache inside, guiding you to a place of compassion, and helping you heal. It won’t happen overnight, and the journey isn’t always straightforward, but when you begin to nurture yourself with kindness, you start to feel the transformation that makes everything just a bit more bearable.

I didn’t discover this all at once. My own experiences of grieving - losing loved ones, facing the end of relationships, and dealing with life’s many challenges - were the crucibles that turned me to look inward. These were moments that called me to go deeper into my heart, beyond the surface-level coping mechanisms, to find a place of true healing. It was in those deep, quiet places of my heart that I found the wisdom and strength to carry on.

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In the beginning, it was all about learning to be kind to myself, to soften the harsh self-criticism that often accompanies grief. I noticed that when I treated myself with the same compassion that I would offer a friend in pain, something shifted. My heart opened a little more, and the healing began. It wasn’t immediate or easy, but gradually, I felt the difference. The exhaustion, both physical and emotional, started to lift as I allowed myself to rest, to cry, and to grieve without judgment.

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Isolation was another loop I had to navigate. When you are grieving you can sometimes feel like you’re the only one suffering, like no one else could possibly understand. But the more I isolated myself, the more I realized how much I needed connection—not just with others, but with myself. I started to listen to my heart, really listen, and that’s when the loneliness began to fade. It’s in the heart where we find the truth that we are not alone, that our experiences, while deeply personal, are also universally human.

I also had to confront the guilt and shame that often accompany grief. You know, those nagging thoughts that say, “I should have done more,” or “I should be over this by now.” They can be relentless. But when I turned to my heart for guidance, I found a different message. I realized that I was doing the best I could with what I knew at the time, and that was enough. This self-compassion helped me release the guilt and start to forgive myself. It’s a process, but each step forward brought a little more light into the shadows.

As I continued to explore this heart-centred approach to grief, I started integrating it into my work with clients. I noticed that when I approached their pain with an open heart, something magical happened. There was more clarity, more insight, and a deeper connection. It wasn’t just about understanding their grief - it was about feeling it with them, holding space for their emotions without trying to fix them. And when I guided them to connect with their own hearts, the changes were profound. They moved through their grief with more ease, less struggle, as if something within them was carrying them forward.

This is where the power of heart-focused techniques like those from HeartMath comes into play. I’ve spent years studying and practicing these methods, and the impact they’ve had on my life and the lives of those I work with has been transformative. Heart-focused breathing, for example, is such a simple yet powerful tool. By focusing on your heart as you breathe, you can calm your mind, reduce stress, and bring your emotions into a state of coherence—a place where your heart, mind, and body feel safe and find harmony.

I’ve seen first-hand how these techniques help people, myself included, navigate grief with more grace. It’s not about avoiding the pain but about finding a way to hold it in your heart without letting it overwhelm you. When you practice heart coherence, you’re building resilience, not by toughening up but by softening into your own strength, the kind that comes from deep within.

This journey into the heart is one that I’m still on, and it continues to teach me. What I’ve learned is that you don’t have to go through grief alone, nor do you have to carry it as a heavy burden. By nurturing yourself with kindness and compassion, by tapping into the wisdom of your heart, you can begin to heal.

As the Dalai Lama wisely said, “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” This kindness isn’t just for others; it’s for yourself too. It’s about giving yourself permission to grieve in your own way, at your own pace, without judgment or pressure.

So, wherever you are in your grief journey, know that it’s okay to be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to grieve in your own way, in your own time. Give yourself permission to feel, to rest, to reach out for support. And remember, your heart is a powerful source of healing. It’s there to guide you, to hold you, and to help you transform your pain into something meaningful. With each breath, each moment of self-kindness, you’re not just surviving grief—you’re moving through it, and in time, you will find yourself in a place of greater peace and understanding.

If you'd like to know more about how I could support you through grief and loss you can book a free meeting with me here.