Grief is a journey that each of us must navigate in our own way, at our own pace. There is no agenda, plan or schedule for grieving, no set path to follow, no right or wrong way to grieve.
Grief is a uniquely personal experience, one that touches the core of our being. Its effects can tilt our world on its access and reshape our understanding of life. From the moment of our loss - our life often changes radically, shifting our attitude to the past and colouring our vision of the future.
Grief asks a lot of us.
So, we need to give ourselves time when we are grieving, going at a pace that is right for us, as we navigate this new existence.
Yet, in our culture, there’s often pressure to move on quickly, to find closure, to “get over” our losses. We hear phrases like, “time heals all wounds” or “you’ll feel better soon,” as though there’s a set timeline for processing and overcoming grief. But the truth is, grief doesn’t work on a timetable. It doesn’t adhere to any schedule or follow any rules. It can ebb and flow like unexpected weather. Sometimes as a quiet whisper, other times as a roaring storm. And in each of these moments, we are changed by it.
Grief Is Not Linear
The well-known stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance - were first introduced by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross as a framework for working with people facing terminal illnesses. She never intended these stages as a prescription for facing grief and they have become misleading when they are used as such.
Grief is not a linear journey. We don’t simply progress from one stage to the next, neatly wrapping up each emotion before moving on a step. Instead, grief is a complex, tangled web of emotions that moves unpredictably.
You might experience anger one day, only to be overcome by deep sadness the next. You might find yourself in a moment of acceptance, feeling at peace with your loss, only to be thrown back into the depths of denial or guilt - days, weeks, or even years later. This is normal. Grief is unique to each person, shaped by the relationship you had with the one you lost, the circumstances of the loss, and your own emotional makeup. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, no designated path that you must follow.
The Uniqueness of Grief
Every loss is different, and every person’s response to loss is different. The way you grieve the loss of a parent may be entirely different from how you grieve the loss of a friend or a partner.
Even within a single family, the loss of a loved one can be experienced in a multitude of ways. One person might feel numb, another might be constantly tearful, and yet another might find solace in keeping busy. All of these responses are valid.
Grief is as unique as a fingerprint, and it cannot be measured or compared. It’s not something that can be checked off a list or completed in a set amount of time. It’s not about “getting over” someone or something. Instead, grief is about learning to live with the loss - to carry it with you in a way that allows you to continue living.
The Timeless Journey of Grief
For some people grief can be a lifelong journey. It doesn’t reach a finite ending: it evolves. It becomes a part of the tapestry of our lives, woven into our wider experience. And as we continue to live and love, we carry it with us—not as a burden, but as a reminder of the love that remains. It's a process that happens organically, in its own time.
You may find that years after a loss, something unexpected triggers a wave of grief - a song on the radio, a familiar scent, a place you used to visit together. In these moments, it might feel as though the wound has reopened, as though you’re back at the beginning of your grieving process. But this is part of the journey.
Grief isn't something that can be finished or resolved; it’s something that becomes a part of you - as you grow and change to accommodate it.
Over time, the intensity of grief may lessen, and you may find ways to carry your loss with more ease. You may laugh again, find joy in new experiences, and build new memories, while the grief weaves into the fabric of your life. And that’s okay. It can be a testament to the depth of your love, the significance of your loss, and the richness of your emotional life.
Honouring Your Own Grieving Process
So, be gentle with yourself through your own grieving process, and give yourself permission to feel whatever it is you’re feeling without judgment or pressure. There’s no need to rush through grief or to force yourself to feel a certain way. It’s okay to have days where you feel like you’re moving forward, and it’s okay to have days where you feel stuck. Both are a completely natural part of the grieving process.
Allow yourself the space to grieve in your own way. If you need to cry, let that flow. If you need to be alone, take that time. If you need to talk about your loved one, find someone who will listen. If you need to express your grief through art, music, writing, or any other form of expression, give that to yourself.
Grief is a process that requires patience, compassion, and self-care, so support yourself like you would a friend, and give yourself that.
Grief is not something that can be solved or overcome. It’s a journey that each of us must navigate in our own way, at our own pace. There is no timetable for grief, no set path to follow, no right or wrong way to grieve. It’s a deeply personal experience, one that reflects the unique love and connection we had with the person we’ve lost.
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